I am Caitlin's lack of security.

A Life Documented


(no subject)
coffincaitlin
I want to be yours. I want to cuddle with you and rest my hand on your back when you're lying down. I want to play with your hair when your head is on my shoulder. I want to listen to music with you and learn from you. I want my music library to be composed of your favorite songs. I want everyone to see us holding hands, and I want everyone who ever took me for granted to realize their mistake. I want to be in love. I want to be the only one you want to talk to at night. I want to touch you, hold you. I want to feel your hands on me. I want to wonder everyday how I ever managed to get someone like you. I want you to tell me that I'm pretty. I want to share all of my favorite movies with you. I want to write poetry together. I want to watch you draw. I want to hear you talk to me the way you used to. I want you to think of me as more than a friend but not like a sister. I want to share things with you, tell you everything. I want to know how you feel about the world and what makes you tick. I want you.

The Truth About Fiction
coffincaitlin
Does my face read,
'Lie to me'?
Do you see gullible,
Written in my eyes?
As my trust,
Sways behind me in the breeze.
Latching onto all the trees,
Swirling around your lies.
You may think I believe,
In every nasty vine that reaches out to me,
But I can only take so much,
Before I start losing touch-
With reality?

Love Is Your Perception of A Lie ~ A Poem
coffincaitlin
You use me,
And abuse me,
With your words.

Words were dreams I once held so dearly.

The hands I felt so clearly,
Are now pushing me to the edge,
Instead of pulling me closer.

Distance slides between us like a wedge.

My position is incessant,
You can find me on the slanted plane,
Always inclined to you.

While your position is straight up and down.

You're eyes are just an illusion,
To dispel the lies and confusion,
And shake me to my core.

They tell me I'm obliged to confuse love and war.

My worst mistake,
Was believing all the words you never said,
Convincing myself that your words snaked the lies through my head.

But your eyes did all the talking.

Your lips never formed the words,
I longed for you to say,
They only molded to my lips.

You only longed to see the sway of my hips.

And you were so willing to take away,
One of the few things I can choose to change,
One of the few things I could never change again.

Why give a waste of time a second thought?

I can see your logic clearly now,
As sharp as the fine tip pen,
I'll use to write about this Judas kiss.

Until your eyes feed me sins once more.

(no subject)
coffincaitlin
Rushing at the rain with our eyes wide open. Our feet sink into the wet grass as we run in the dark. The world is illuminated by irregular flashes. The only thing separating life and death is speed and circumstance. My hand squeezes yours a little tighter every time I hear the roar of the sky. We're screaming at the top of our lungs with laughter. Using what little energy we have left to smile widely at each other. My hair whips wildly around my face, propelled by the wind. I can feel the water settling into the seams of my clothes.
Nothing else matters at that moment besides the blades of grass pulled loose by my thudding footsteps, shards of green now glued to the backs of my legs. Nothing matters except for the tight hold you have on my hand, showing the comfort and love that I cherish everyday.

Days and Dreams ~ A Poem
coffincaitlin
There are days when I shake and heave,
Days when it's exhausting to believe,
That my life has a purpose,
Never mind an imaginary romance.

But there are days when I feel strong,
Days when our colors suddenly belong,
When your remember all of the words,
Your heart too often seems to forget.

Sometimes an ache begins inside my soul,
A burn traversing the edges of a tattered hole,
The one area of my heart,
That I can never fill.

There I hide my hopes and dreams,
In the one part of me that never seems,
To be satisfied -- Imagine,
All the places I could build in your eyes.

I want to forget you there,
Give you my veins to share,
You can live among my myriad ideas,
And be the dream that keeps me alive.

(no subject)
coffincaitlin
I just feel like I don't deserve to make it through this life without scars.

(no subject)
coffincaitlin
Photography is all about the eyes. You have to see something before you can capture it. There's always an idea behind a picture. There's always a meaning within the frame.

(no subject)
coffincaitlin
I was suddenly struck by the beauty of the Earth while gazing through the car window. We don't deserve anything that this world gives us.

Who Am I?
coffincaitlin
I glanced up at the rear view mirror and my heart jumped out of my chest. I thought I saw someone else.

Searching for Meaning
coffincaitlin
I'm trying to find myself, but I can't decide whether I have something worth looking for or not. What if I'm always searching? Aren't we all? Maybe the true meaning of life is inside of us. Maybe it's right in front of our noses, but we're too ignorant to look. Maybe there is no meaning of life. Why are we here? I've got the answer. Coincidence.

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